Finally! The Tour Du Mont Blanc

Tour Du Mont Blanc

Alright, listen up you day hikers! This is the big one! The top hike on all the top hike lists. You’d better pack your courage alongside your tea kettle – it’s so serious Jon even had to leave his Dora the Explorer pack behind. This is the Alps now, not some damn Scottish Highlands pub crawl!

The TMB is 112 miles, has 35000ft of elevation gain and loss, and spans 3 countries. It’ll wear you out faster than you can check into your glamorous mountain “hut”, conveniently located every 5 or 6 miles along the trail. So hold onto your butt, dear reader, cause that giant Asian hiking group is faster than they look and you’ll be embarrassed if they all pass you on the climb.

France

We began our TMB hike in the classic spot, going in the classic direction, with clear blue skies and high spirits. Which is to say we began in Les Houches going clockwise and it was hotter than hell and real steep right away. From Les Houches, the first climb is a steady 700m to overlook the Chamonix valley. It was so hot, Jon even took his shirt off at the top to cool off – bear in mind it was at 1500m in the Alps.

Beyond the Chamonix valley the trail got a bit boring, mostly following paved roads and walking through little Alpine tourist villages under the blazing hot sun. One consolation was that a dazzling number of paragliders spent the whole afternoon putting on a show for us by spiralling around the Mt Blanc massif 4000m above our heads. It was spectacular entertainment and Jon declared several times that it looked more fun than our hot slog on the pavement (I thought it looked too horrifying to express).

At least paragliding makes sense, but in the Les Contanimes valley at the end of our day we saw something much more odd. There was a cross country roller-ski park – and it was busy! We didn’t know the Alps were so bereft of summer sports to be reduced to pushing yourself around a track with only poles, but there it was.

We also met new friends at the campground – two other Americans named Alex and Isabelle from San Francisco, and a couple of librarians named Tracey and Rebecca from DC – who would go onto become fast friends and walk the rest of the way with us, so expect to hear mention of them as we go. The campground proved to be one of the best of the trip because it had plastic lawn furniture for us to sit and cook at – we are nearly experts on campground luxury, I assure you.

The following day was one of the highlights of the walk, which is saying something. We climbed the 1400m from Les Contanimes to the summit of Col de la Croix Du Bonhommie, which must mean Pass of Eye Ball Melting Views in French. Half way up we saw a herd of the most storybook looking cows we ever saw – their coats were so shiny and neat they looked like they had been shampooed and brushed. Later a German told us the cows are bought and sold at auction, so that may actually have been the case.

On the way we met even more new friends – a newly wed couple on their honeymoon! – and got our first taste of snow walking. The snow turned out to be well traced and firm enough to be no more troublesome than scree or mud, so it was novel but not too treacherous.

Beyond the pass, and after a cup of coffee at the mountain hut, we made the 1000m descent all the way back down the far valley to Les Chapieux. The sheer walls of the valley had sheep and horses casually grazing like this was some common pasture. Jon even got to meet some.

The following day saw us walk over the French border into Italy. More shocking views and long climbs followed, including the summit of Col de la Seigne which was so tiring that I was actually inspired to Frolic like my namesake. Poor laboring Jon was treated to a full, breathless recital of my favorite climbing song of all – Paint with all the colors of the wind! – as well as other classic hits like “Make a man out of you”. Truly magical for everyone, I’m certain.

We stayed the night in the platform-style bunks at Refugio Elisabetta, which was comfortable enough and fun. The towering slopes beyond the hut also had our first view of a proper glacier. The evening highlight was definitely sitting together behind the hut, sipping Fanta, and seeing Ibex strolling around on the mountain slopes high above. They can grow some pretty majestic horns!

Italy

Beyond Elisabetta the trail traversed the valley wall, opposite Mt Blanc, on the way to Courmayeur. The relatively easy going trail gave us perhaps the best views of Mt Blanc of the whole thing. We literally (literally) gaped all day at the glorious, fully 2000m tall, view of the ice capped super mountain marching along beside us all afternoon. The hiking mostly consisted of exclaiming awe struck superlatives while trying to avoid tripping down the mountains from watching the view and not our feet.

By comparison our night in Courmayer was a bit less inspirational. We stayed in our first (and hopefully last) self-designated 1-star hotel. I bet they didn’t intend for the sink in the room to be used for washing nasty hiking socks, but that’s what happened. Here we also first saw the only other group of Americans classier than us, a group of college guys from Penn State who were studiously engaged in binge drinking cheap Italian beer on the curb outside the grocery store like it was a 3rd rate frat party. Unbelievably, it was just the first of many sightings of those brave boys drinking their way around the Tour. Go ‘Murica!

Beyond Courmayeur the valley wall walk continued to perhaps the best known hut on the Tour, Refugio Bonatti. Thanks to both it’s stunning vista and close proximity to a parking lot, as well as the immaculate weather, it was by far the busiest hut we visited. There were people sunbathing on the slopes, folks with purse dogs in carriers, and hordes of children playing, all below the huge slopes of rock and dirty glacier beyond. We bought some coffees to go with our lunch.

Past Bonatti lay a modest descent and climb up to Refugio Elena. From the ledge we had one of my personal favorite views of the walk, where we could see all the way back down to the mouth of the Courmayeur valley and Col de la Seigne where we had been the morning before.

Also on this ledge Jon discovered his favorite little flower ever, a tiny little blue and yellow sun shaped flower that we learned from the guidebook is called a “Forget-me-not”. I’ll admit that even my legendary stoney contenounce was broken by the neat little flower, which is little bigger than a pencil eraser. So cute!

That night we had planned to find stealth camping near Refugio Elena, but we couldn’t seem to find anything that satisfied our requirements for shelter, flateness, and legality all at once. We also got a bit scared watching a thunderstorm blast away at the far end of the valley. So, in the end, we were lucky enough to just walk right into the Refugio without a reservation and secure two bunk beds without difficulty. We did still cook our dinner on our stove behind the shed out back, but at least it was sheltered from the wind. It did storm that night so perhaps it was for the best.

Switzerland

The next morning we climbed up and over the steep but short Grand Col Ferret and entered into Switzerland. In general, this section of the trail included shorter mileage than previous days, somewhat less impressive views (though still good by any other standard), and a little easier climbs. There were still some highlights in Switzerland aside from the hiking, though.

 

Our beautiful campsite in La Fouly, turned out to be both scenic and deadly. That night we endured a fantastic lighting storm which swept down the valley overnight, lashing our tent with wind and sideways rain. For a rather tense half an hour Jon and I sat up in the tent, propping it up from the inside with our arms to keep it from collapsing while lightning strobed and thunder boomed every few seconds overhead. The flashes were so bright that even inside the tent with our eyes closed they left floaters and after images. We were very proud that our friends Alex and Isabelle’s tent was so well pitched that it survived the night (though they didn’t stay in it)!

We also saw many great examples of the infamously well organized Swiss firewood piles stacked beside historic barns.

Another fun stop was beside the high mountain lake at Champex. In another confusing look at summer activities in the Alps, we watched as people weaved all over the lake on paddle boats and paddle boards. The wind was blowing strong enough to push the poor souls far off course, cause collisions, and generally work them all much harder than the leisurely lake cruise they probably planned. It was all great theater for Jon and I, who sat on a bench by the lake eating lunch. Lunch included some of the most delicious strawberries we have ever eaten and a stick of authentic toblerone.

Then there was the most Instagramable church encountered in all of Europe – the little pink church in Le Peuty just a short walk from our campsite. We didn’t get to go inside since it was late, but perhaps that’s best because there’s no way the inside is as cute as the outside.

To be fair, the final day in Switzerland, just above the French border at Tre-le-Champs, also had some great views looking down the Chamonix valley. They were just unfortunately overshadowed by the even better ones from the French side the next day.

Finally, after I foolishly booked an impromptu campsite and then canceled at the hut, we ended up at an American-style 4th of July celebration in Tre-le-Champs with Alex and Isabelle. What American BBQ party is complete without a live, pop music cover band playing on the back deck? We had a couple beers at the bar, watched some drunk Europeans dance, and generally had a good time.

France – Part Duex

Our final, 10th, day on the TMB was the mightiest of all. We decided to close the remaining 16 miles, with 1300m elevation gain and 1700m loss, from Tre-le-Champs back to Les Houches in one big go. This included, of course, the rugged summit of Le Brevent at 2500m near the end of the day as the last climb.

 

We didn’t end up finishing in Chamonix until after 8pm, absolutely whipped and exhausted – the final 1700m drop was particularly draining. Despite all that, the final section was stunning. The entire ridgeline hike offers wonderful views of the Mt Blanc massif and the Chamonix valley, and the summit of Le Brevent is certainly the best of the best.

At Le Brevent, the full scope of the Mt Blanc range is laid out right in front of you, larger than life and far too big to ever fit in a picture frame. It inspires a deep, primal awe, bordering on fear – like watching a huge thunderstorm at sea or glimpsing the full brightness of the milky way on a clear night.

Also I got snorted at by an Ibex on the way up! He harried me climbing up a short section of ladders near the summit, and only buggered off after I waved my poles around like a crazy man and yelled at him.

Our final night of the hike we somehow found the remaining strength to drink beer and eat pizza in Chamonix, which partially eased any regrets we might have had about the ambitiousness of our final day, and then we crashed real hard in a trashy hotel room.

Epilogue

Our friends Alex and Isabelle finished the following day, looking down right chipper and much wiser in the arcane ways of the backpacker. We heard reports that the librarians finished the day before us, on schedule and not as dead as they feared. The newly weds also finished a modified hike of the TMB the day after us, looking much more refreshed and happy than we had last seen them, and definitely pleased with their decision to just take the chair lift and save their marriage. After witnessing the Penn State Bros drinking heavily at a half dozen huts and grocery stores along the way, we saw they also finished the day after us and looked hung over as hell, but it was impossible not to respect their absolute dedication to the frat party scene.

Finally, after all the hiking was done and all the trail had gone, I tripped on my flip flop at the campground in Chamonix and ripped all the skin off my big toe and left knee, demonstrating convincingly that irony is real.

See you in Switzerland!